I have the precious chance to be doing a job that I am passionate about. But honestly I don't believe that we can really love our job all the time. Once ballet became my full-time job, it feels more like a job than a simple and idealistic passion. I realised that there ARE moments when I don't want to get out of my bed and go to ballet class in the morning, when I am tired of learning different spots of a complicated choreography during rehearsals, when I am not motivated performing on stage after 20 performances of the same ballet, when my body hurts so much that even if my mind tells me to continue, my body says stop. Being one of the few Asians of this prestigious company, things seem to be even harder. There are moments when I am very proud to be part of this company, and there are moments when I don't really feel that I am part of them.
But, if I were to be told this afternoon during that meeting that I am fired, what would I say before the whole company? How would I feel? How would be my reaction? I would certainly think of all the hard work that I've done since age 7 (when I started ballet) to be here, the four years spent in the Ecole de Danse, the very difficult moments when I had to adapt to the new French culture and language, the unforgettable Concours d'entree, the first one that brought me extreme disappointment and the second one that brought me into this company. My gratitude to all the people who believed in me, supported me, helped me, throughout the whole journey.
It is now 9:44am in Paris, time to go to class :)